Things I Wish I Could Tell 6-year-old Me

 I've had a lot of time to think over the last month, and I've used it. I've thought about growing up as the oldest child of two youngests. I've thought about what it means to be the oldest of five and how that can really suck. I've thought about how different my experience as an MK was much different from my siblings. The first time I moved overseas was when I was 6. I turned 7 in France. And there are several things I wish I could tell my 6-year-old self. I was a small child moving to a country that was not my home and having to learn and live in a new culture. My parents struggled cause they had culture shock. I had it too, just in a different way. My mom liked to say that I would only remember the best parts about living there. And to some extent, that's true: I remember loving some parts of France. But I also remember lying in bed at night crying because I missed my home and my friends. 

Things I wish I could tell my six-year-old self:

1. It's okay to have friends of all ages, be they way older than you, or way younger than you. I know it's hard sometimes, but not having friends your own age and learning to make friends is a good skill that will serve you well in life.
2. It's okay to miss your old home. It's okay to miss the friends you knew and be sad you don't get to do all of the stuff you love with them. But know that time doesn't stand still neither here nor there, so things are going to change when you go back and it won't be like how you remember it.
3. Those book-friends you made are going to be with you for a lifetime, so don't feel bad if someone teases you for reading the exact same book for the fifth time. 
4. Don't be afraid to try new things, and meet new people. I know it is scary and hard, but push through, I promise it's worth it. 
5. Beat your brother at video games and card games more. There will come a day where he will start winning consistently and you won't, so you will want to have a few wins under your belt before that happens. 
6. Cheese is good. French cheese is your friend. I know it smells. It tastes good, I promise.
7. Don't be afraid to try to learn a new language or make new friends. It's going to take time, and that is okay.
8. Moving is hard. It's okay to feel big feelings because of that.

~Ali

Missing: A Home

Why is losing a place so hard? It should be as simple as packing your bags, hopping a plane, and going back, but it's not. Before too long, you're missing that particular quality of sunshine, the way the air feels supercharged before a thunderstorm, and the distinct smell of the air. 

Your shower water feels different, the soap is the wrong scent, even the toilet paper is too soft. The roads are too clean, the stores too brightly lit, ordering food is too chaotic. The sheets on your bed have no holes, no mosquito nets are in sight, the carpet itches under your bare feet.

But when all is said and done, it's not just your environment you've lost, it's the people. It's the best friend you promise to see in two months, it's the goodbye you didn't say. It's the people who are cousins and siblings, it's the troublemakers you know you could call and do anything with at a moment's notice.

It's the inevitable change, the ultimate point of no return. You know no matter how hard you try to go back, it's impossible. You will have changed, and the place and the people will have changed too. The spot you filled doesn't fit quite right anymore. Some of the smells you dreamed of are missing, some of the sounds are gone. The tree you always climbed was cut down, the house you used to stay in is now an office. The people have changed and adapted and it's time to find a new space, and you all know it. 

The home you knew now only exists in your memory.